I've been very contemplative of my life lately. Maybe it's that I'm approaching 40. I used to think 40 was OLD. But you realize as you get older – you feel like the same person inside – it's just that the person on the outside looking back at you in the mirror just looks a little different each year.
When I say you're the same person on the inside... that's true to a point. Over the years you make choices and decisions that are sometimes good and sometimes bad. Part of what I'm so introspective about currently is the bad decisions and choices I have made and things I've done in the past. I used to beat myself up and feel guilty for many of my choices. I think one of the reasons I've been so withdrawn from people over the past two years, is my embarrassment over of some of my choices and decisions among which are letting myself go into a depression which caused weight gain, and thus not want to be seen. Sad but true.
I really believe there are two parts to life: things in our control and things out of our control. A very large portion of our life is made up of things IN our control… Do I workout regularly? Do I eat right? Do I hang out with people who are a good influence? Do I go to college, Etc. OR… Do I not workout? Do I eat and drink anything I want? Do I hang out with bad influences? Etc… I have a quote that hangs above my desk at work: " …Every decision you have ever made has brought you here. When you were created, you were given choices, and those choices have molded your life up until this point. You have the power to move mountains. You also have the power to create hell for yourself. It has always been your choice…"
As simplistic as it sounds… I've come to realize that all the good and bad decisions have become apart of the fabric of my life... and without some of the experiences from the bad, I would not appreciate life as nearly as much as I do now. And I'm starting to be at peace with that. I don't need everyone to like me anymore... I don't have to have the best house... the best car... the best job... I don't have to have the latest gadget… I honestly need very few "things" to be happy within who I am as a person. As long as I'm at peace with ME and like who I am as a person and that I treat others with respect... then life is really very good!
Maybe approaching my 40's isn't a bad thing! I can take all the knowledge I've gained and make the right choices and be the best Paul ever! I think I'm going to like my 40's! But I'm still going to enjoy the last year of my 30's to my fullest!
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